Your tits are I can't wait for
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
