we're chasing vodka with high fives
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
