it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
