Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
