Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
