your parents love me but you hate me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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