When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
