He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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