i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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