I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
