he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
this is an emotional support booty call
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
