you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
