Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
