how can u be prego again
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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