I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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