ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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