M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
