I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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