Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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