i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
we should paint friendship bongs
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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