And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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