I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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