I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
