Your tits are I can't wait for
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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