So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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