i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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