I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
