I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
