he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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