drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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