There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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