Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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