So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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