Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
