He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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