We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
