dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
