You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I smell like Dick and happiness
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
