no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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