I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
