why didn't you poke me back
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
