we have pet lesbian snakes
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
