Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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