Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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