The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
