the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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