in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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