my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
