I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
