I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize