my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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