im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
soo... how was my night?
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