Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize