awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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