Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
