Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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