YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
