please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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