R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
