Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
