At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
