my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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