He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
