Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
