Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
