Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
