I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
