Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
