Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will pee on everything he values.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
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