no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
