I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
