god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
